a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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