better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
