I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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