I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
