There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
