were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
