it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
that is very illegal...i love you.
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