so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
