if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
