The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
