after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
