Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
