proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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