life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
These tits shall not be calmed
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
