Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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