How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My penis needs a shock collar
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Pooping to opera.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
