I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
