I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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