He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
