He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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