every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
