oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
