i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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