this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
