Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
