Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my being single is dangerous.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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