just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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