How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
