I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
