Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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