I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
