A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
