he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
