She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
