So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
