so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Houston, we have a squirter
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
