Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
