I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
