How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
A+ Viking dick
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
