wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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