I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
