Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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