and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
