Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
