cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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