I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
