"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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