i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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