i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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