Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
