Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
