And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
